I’m discovering that many women have a Doubting Twin – an inner voice that constantly undercuts confidence; ‘Whatever made you think you looked good in that?’ ‘Everyone will see through you.’ ‘There’s no point, you’re just hopeless.’
Most of the time we can hide it – it may be ranting loudly inside, but no one else knows. Except when it comes to the thorny question of ‘body’. Just by walking outside we show our flaws to the world. Or at least, that’s how it feels. Have you ever walked by a shop window, gone for the killer sideways glance and homed straight in on THE flaw? Then ‘the voice’ gets going: ‘I told you not to eat that cake; just look at your tummy.’ That’s me all over – because of my Doubting Twin, I assume the rest of the world is thinking ‘look at that tummy – oh and there is a woman following closely behind!
There are numerous reasons for this response and we all need to work at changing them. And then there is ‘the voice’ that sits inside our heads – and that we can begin to challenge right now.
Walking through London, I realised:
The Doubting Twin walking towards me is actually focusing on her own flaw and checking it out on me. So as I walk towards you, I focus on your tummy, just to prove that mine is worse. While you’re looking at my skin, as your Doubting Twin points out that I don’t have spots.
Play with it and see if it’s true. Thick ankles – you’ll walk around looking at feet; big ears – you’ll know just how other women do their hair; little boobs – you’ll spot a good cleavage from a mile away.
So the main person paying attention to my body is me. You’re much too busy thinking about your own issues to notice my flaws and anything you do see is likely to be viewed positively. So when it comes down to it, I’m the only one that needs persuading.
Please watch the video of these young women challenging their own Doubting Twins – Models Talking Body Insecurities
Then look in the mirror as if you were me, your best friend or a stranger in the street and pick out all the good things we would see in your body.
Finally, talk to your Doubting Twin. “I know you want the best for me, but please remember to tell me what’s good about my body. Then maybe I won’t need the comfort of extra cake!”
If you are interested in helping me with my research into Women and Confidence, please email me on [email protected] and we’ll arrange a call or meeting.